The Real Yakuza
by JohnWriteFic
Summary: The true tale of the man that lost everything in some land in Japan


yakuza by me once along a time in a place called tokeyo in the cuntry of nipplon there hwas a japanese gankster named kazooma kill-you but everyone culled him yakuza becas he is a rell goot fiteman but on day his best fried akira dat dood wif da motorbikeciclepop from day shitty fugglin amine noovie saw that the doge-ema gay was tryne to cob a feel on yakuza girlfriend so he shot him his dickoff 'wat why' says yamuka 'because he's a diddler you fuck now go to jail four me samsei' so dey did a wowie-bow an the dood scurried away like cinderella running away from the sandwich so da poleeps came an slapped yakuza wif handcups an sed 'ur gone to da jail in da city in a river in da van down by the lake' an yakuza sed 'haha u almos meemt' so yakoopa went to jail ferbout tent years an when he goat oat he boat a ticket to toakyo an went to a bar to smashed his liver wif a jake daniellas fine winesky only afailableh at da locateyuns below when suddenry out of the stairwellaru was barlady an she said 'hey there i found a baboo right ovah theah' an yakuza sed 'ovah theah' ant barlady siad 'no ovah theah' an she painted over to da skeleton so kazuka fed the spooky fing a marmalade ramen soop an it suddenry turned into haruka 'hi im haruka an i need to find mom pls' an she shode him a neckstring adornment that belonged to yakuza girlfriend 'aww shit dood ur the piecst to the missing puzzle' so he carred her to the bar an they did a thing and watched the tv about how the tojo clan lost a meerion dollars an yakuza sed 'oops' an then he was like 'brb lol' an facked off to a dud naymed shintaro who was yakuza boss for like ever and king of the mafia i meen japanese gangstars 'hey ur mustache looks like crap why is yakuza girlfriend gon an muh six million gontu' an shamtaro sed 'uh i think its in her bake account lol i sed bake gotta smoak a doopie sandwich' an when he lid up the sampflitch his face kazpoodled an tooned into a skrandliptchdshfh 'dam they relly hate me rite meow' so kayuza fiddle lee deed away from the place he once called whore an ran into an entire flock of dickheads an they sed 'ay dat little girl is the golden ticket to da ten thousant thousant japanties dollars give pls' and azukay sed 'lol no' an kiked them in their feces 'shit ur good have our xpee an a bottle of smack' an dats how kamooza got rell good at fitan but he had to go beat up mashima potatoes at the baseball joint because he was gonna eggsdacute yakuza girlfriend somehow so yakuza was like 'sai fine lets do a fist race' so he ran into mister mashma poteets an guy was like 'kazumachan' every FUCKING SENTENCE AND IT WAS REALLY ANNOYING IN THE ANGLISH GAME an he hit them all with bats an stuff but then potato guy sed 'shit ur good go to the terlet by da praking lot an leaf a poop in there an yakuza 'okay' so he did an the secret door to narnia lot was opened an he had to wok a gorgeous mile to get to da real narnia an then he found a fuckin joint wif a fite club some cool stuff a sushitty bar a whore parlor a hat parlor a desk parlor a parlor parlor and george foreman's grill mausoleum featuring a sony playstation as the host of the shit but some guy said 'hey this ain't ur narnita hombre' an yakuza 'okay' so he crossed the britch an found the really real narnia with an old dood an a buncha campy camperas 'hey im campty an i camp with my campy cameras wif the campera clan...p' an yakuza 'okay' but then campy was like 'hey i now where yakuza girlfriend is she's somewhere over theah' an he pointed to that one campera screenp with yakuza girlfriendp on itp so yakuza sed 'aww dang bruh but i need the helps' an campy 'this guy is named date and he's a detective an yakuza 'okay' so they talked about it over a bottle of good stuff and tooka car to da nightclub to do a dance but yakuza was arrested an was slabbed wif da cups again 'aww man not again' yakuza said as he was arrested again but date snecked by an went up to yakuza cage 'aww man not again' so he did a flippy foop an busted the cage on its ass an yakuza sed 'but ur job' an dape replied 'don't worry donald trump is president we gonna die anywhoos lesgo' so dey pushed an old lady into the lake an then stole her cat and smacked some bad dudes with the cat and dismantled the cat but took its ears to hear the real deal with veal on the feel but all they got in return was a van 'ok this tworks' so yakuza and the dick fucked off to a boat an they ran into an old guy that raised yakuza as a babby wif akira beacuase he was a pantsless creep with no parnts 'hey guy why are you such a shitter' 'because i like da feel when money papper cuts my pee pee hole rell good' but yakoopsa sed 'no' an slabbed him to death with his dumb goonie friends 'coff coff' sed the old guy 'well this story needs a twist so i'm ur uncle daddy and here's the password to da money' 'AWW DANG SHIT' an den yakuza took a minute to fink about his currient situlation an said 'if i me and you him and she her and dog cat an the van is banana then who is haruka' an then he waddled over and removes da hair from her dumbass head an saw that it was kuro aww arong 'god damnit my dotter is a horse' so yakuza spanked it in the face as a punish and then yakuza went to the tower to confront the real king of all the mafia japan his name was bobbert and yakuza met him at the top of century tower the smell of old beets filled the nite sky when bobbert was like 'hahaha i got da money now gimme the code' an yakuza said 'fuk u' but bobbers removed his mask and reveleded he was an akiba the whole time 'dang you got me but that money aint yours ya freakin acorn' so they took off their shirts in the middle of a cold night on a roof top near the statosphere because japanese people are fucking psychopath and then kazuma did his ultimate butt slap move to akira face but akira blogged it on tumblr an used his super good rain of feminism attack an they had guns and counter strike armors scleemin like a bunch a dang harpeetsuhs sayin 'MY VAGAYNA IS BLOODY GIFF ME THE CURE AN MARK WHALBERG HE MAKE ME CUM GOOT' but yakuza booped they ass offa da towah an sed 'hey ur guns r shit' an jumped like a mario to da mean guy 'hey u suck' an yakuza 'oh yeah' so he pulled off the exealant gabber dabber delucks fantastic lucky cat with star power ultra blast mega death kick with plus five to da bleed an the dood tripped and fell and said 'hey i got the bomb an da money was here da hole time you got a empire minute to get lost nerd also shit ur good have a medicine thing' so yakuza ran as fast as he can acrossed the bill ding an ran into yakuza girlfriend but she done had no regs to do the do what must be done to survive her 'hey i never loved you but prees safe me an let me see my dotter' an yakuza said 'but she is a horse how can you love a horse' an she sed fuk u now its ten segonds to da kapoop' an yakuza did his op bird move otter the front left window of my fucking office you dick an the place blew up a bit an da mooninite dollers went 'whee' an fluttered to the ground like yesterdays butterflah wings an pepple were flippin oat so yakuza could scurry away like a mouse to the sandwich before the police stratted runnin over da peepoles like jerksticks an so yakuza became wonder of the six kings of grangsters and so he and da horse babylady spent the rest of next week and two whore minutes pickinup keys off da street like a damn creetan da end


End file.
